Trust Your Heart

All inspired ideas come from the heart! When you have time, take ten minutes to listen to the fantastic advice from Abraham-Hicks in the video above! They are one of my all-time favorite teachers. Abraham is the name that Esther Hicks’ guides use to give themselves a structure that people can connect with as they speak through her. In my experience she is an amazingly clear channel. I am so grateful for their influence in my life. I was sent to an Abraham-Hicks seminar as a gift from my wonderful ex-mother-in-law, Beth, either in late 2000 or early 2001, can't remember which. In that seminar, when Esther Hicks put her head down and invited Abraham in to speak through her, I saw a white light emanate from her head, an actual halo! As my head was jerking back in surprise I also noticed about eight other people in the audience react with head jerks at that same moment. 

As I listened to Abraham speak, everything they said felt 100% accurate to me. It was amazing to experience this in a conference room of... I think it was an Econo Lodge, in Albuquerque of all places. Sometimes the coolest things happen in the weirdest places, lol. I listened to their cd's for a few months after the seminar, and then did not really keep up with them for a number of years. And then in 2006 I saw them in The Secret, and it all came flooding back. It was the right time for me to dive into their amazing perspective, it felt so clear, so accurate and so magical to me. That dive led me to the next one, going to see John of God in Brazil. And that dive led me to Matrix Energetics and that dive sent me to Kaua'i and there I found the space to dive very deeply into my own heart. What an amazing gift, all of it!

Living on Kaua'i felt incredible for me because it is surrounded by as much space as one can find from all of the large, populated land masses and it is surrounded by salt water. Salt is a great energy purifier. I am a highly sensitive empath, as are many of you, which means we are able to feel other people’s emotions and also the emotions of the whole, especially during intense times. So, that space from most of the population of our planet and the pure and powerful vibration on Kaua’i gave me a feeling of peace that allowed me to hear my internal guidance very clearly. That was the most powerful dive of all. There was a lot of support for me to begin my work as an intuitive healer, and to anchor myself in my heart. I like to think of that work as making my heart my command base. It was an incredible few years. Initially incredibly intense, my father died and many things were challenging, a LOT of contrast in the first six months, but then everything shifted. Then I had about two an a half years of really amazing, and often genuinely magical, me time. I could not feel more blessed to have had the life I have had, actually all the lives that I have had within this one. 

On Kaua’i I learned how to create energetic boundaries so that I could be around others and not feel their emotions as my own. I have since shared it with many people. I call it the Silver Surfer but each time that I’ve shown a person how to create it for themselves it personalizes into whatever works best for them. I love sharing it, because it feels wonderful to see the results. I especially love sharing it with kids. When it came time for me to leave my way was made absolutely crystal clear my last days on Kaua’i were quite chaotic, but I knew it was the process of shifting from one stage of my life to another. And I was sent to the first place that I have ever found that genuinely feels like home to me, Lake Oswego, Oregon. The first time I stepped foot in Lake Oswego I felt totally blissed out, it was the same feeling I’d had visiting John of God in Abadiania, Brazil. Such a beautiful feeling!

All of this came from me trusting my own inner guidance, every single choice that I made was me following my internal guidance, and nothing else. There were plenty of times when people challenged me on my decisions, and it was not always easy to stand my ground, but I had a lot of amazing training, and outer support to do just that. Sometimes I’ve felt totally nuts, other times I’ve felt selfish, and others I’ve felt like I might be lost... but I always listen anyway. Thank GOD for my spiritual teachers, Baba Muktananda and Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. If I had not grown up with their guidance, inside and out, I would not have been able to do any of those things. The last direct command that Gurumayi gave me was to go to my inner guru for answers, and that has become the foundation of my life and my work with others too. 

Trust your own internal guidance. Trust your ideas, trust your heart, trust your own process and know that no other person will ever know you better than you will, when you are planted in your heart. So do the work to get into your heart and know the difference between the voice of your heart and the voice of your ego, and then trust what feels right for you. That work will always include meditation and present moment work, but for me it was also years of listening to and reading many different useful perspectives from people and teachers that inspired me. For me inspiring and useful perspectives feel light, they feel like love and they feel accurate for me. They are the perspectives that help me feel empowered to love myself... and to love others, even when I don't like them. My favorite perspectives are the ones that help me laugh at myself. Being able to laugh at ourselves is such a gift. Not taking ourselves too seriously, not feeling we need to be ‘right’ or composed, or anything but authentically ourselves, that is freedom. 

The teachers I listen to and trust all teach that perspective, to be our own true self, and that we can decide what that means at any given moment. I check in with how things feel to me all of the time, old or new. That is one of the wonderful things about meditation and present moment work... the freedom to be who we are right now, not who we were last year, yesterday or even ten minutes ago. So… when you are doing the work to hear in your heart, trust yourself, trust your ideas, trust your own internal guidance. You do not need to make sense to anyone else in the entire world, and neither do I or anyone else. We all only need to feel clarity in our own selves, or if we feel confused, own it! And then we can take the time to feel our way towards clarity without the weight of trying to be something we are not. Love, love and more love to all of you.

No is the new yes.

I truly believe that working on feeling love for everyone and everything is possible and it is the road to freedom. However, loving and resonating with is certainly not the same thing. If loving everything meant liking and choosing everything, if there were no contrast to give us all different tastes and flavors, life would become incredibly boring don’t you think? Loving is about seeing the light of consciousness in all beings, and in the world around us. Liking is figuring out what resonates with us, what floats our boats, finding the things that feel like love light and solution for each of us. Whatever feels accurate and inspired in our own heart, that is resonation, and that may shift at any given moment... and that is a-ok. 

I love this crazy meme because it takes that understanding and can help to release us from taking another person’s opinion of us personally. It can also help us accept and honor our own feelings and preferences, and free us from self-judgment. Loving and respecting others does not necessarily mean inviting them, or their thoughts and opinions, into our lives. It means appreciating everyone as reflections of contrasted consciousness, and deciding for ourselves how close or far we’d like to be from them. That’s why healthy boundaries can really help us feel more loving towards others. It's been my experience that trying to force myself to resonate with something that I do not resonate with does not yield a positive feeling result for me, quite the contrary in fact.

Standing up and saying no can be the most powerful loving act a person can choose. As the slightly altered Maggie Kuhn quote says, "Speak the truth even if your voice shakes." But always check in with your heart first, because that really is the only place our own truths can be found. And I have found that when I am speaking from that place, my voice does indeed often shake, and sometimes tears come too. It's as though something inside of me, something wonderful and Divine, is pushing the words out of me. And that has always yielded an amazing result in my life. I have deep gratitude for those moments in my life.

The beautiful thing is, when we give ourselves the space that feels loving to ourselves, we are more able to observe all people and things with the eyes of the heart. I am working on loving it all, knowing that it's all consciousness, and I am also working on surrounding myself with whatever floats my boat. That is how I truly can grow to feel love for everyone and everything more and more every day. And that is most definitely the road to freedom, IMHO. 

Contemplating the practice of consciously choosing our information intake.

I've been contemplating the practice of consciously choosing the information and perspectives that I connect with and the factors I use to decide. How it feels emotionally, heavy or light. Does it feel like love, solution, expansive, freedom? Is it helping me support what feels accurate and helpful in my own heart for me? Does it feel like freedom or does it feel confining? How is my body reacting to the information and what does that mean. For those of us that believe that everything is consciousness, that can really only be the one true fact because consciousness is 100% malleable, so everything that it creates is as well. Embracing that understanding changes the way we navigate. The emotions that any experience or information brings up can be shifted when the experience or information is reframed. That obviously will work in either direction, which is one reason that meditation can be very helpful. It teaches us to observe our thoughts without entangling ourselves in the story so we are able to see our patterns and decide what is still working for us, and what has become outdated and can be reframed and or released.

Consciously practicing reframing information towards lighter perspectives can be what some people call finding the silver lining, or even just realizing that our information or perspective could actually be totally wrong, or outdated. That is one reason that I love to find out that I am wrong about things, to have new information shift my own perception completely. That retrains my brain to let go of things that are no longer serving the momentum that I am wishing to keep in my life towards lighter, more fun, more easeful perspectives.

It can be very easy to open up to this when you realize that being wrong can be such a wonderful gift to us, right? It can be a happy surprise! I have worked with many people that have held the understanding that being wrong was a negative thing, that being right was always best. That is clearly learned behavior because it is obviously only the ego that cares about such things. The heart loves to learn, to grow, to be surprised and opened to new possibilities. So the heart loves to be ‘wrong’, ha ha ha. Obviously, there is no such thing as right or wrong on a higher level of understanding, but when being wrong can be a joyful experience and offer us the feeling of freedom when we find new information that feels right in the now. So being wrong is a beautiful thing!

Years ago I read about Buddha heads being cut off of statues in Asia by colonials, to make them easier to transport. What I read gave the impression that this was the only reason that Buddha heads existed. So for years, I had a bit of a weird and negative feeling about Buddha heads. I recently found out that is not true, that Buddha heads symbolize the Buddha’s enlightened state and the wisdom and wealth of knowledge that he attained. Yay for being wrong! Ha ha ha! I am not interested in information that opens me to fear but I will always welcome new information that gives me a more positive, fun and light perspective on anything!

It has been my experience that internal guidance and the enlightened beings that I have known do not tend to give warnings, plant seeds of fear, or point at anything we are not wanting in our lives. They might point out or bring to the surface fears we already have so that we may walk through them and overcome those fears. That is where practicing reframing really becomes incredibly helpful, ha ha ha. Reframing with humor is one of the best ways to lighten things up quickly. Finding the humor in any situation is a fantastic gift we can give ourselves. Think of Laughing Buddha, finding the humor in everything is incredibly powerful. It has been my experience that internal guidance always shows us where we are wanting to go. It shows us open doors, solutions, exciting new possibilities and redirects us using light and sparkle, rather than giving obstacles attention and focus. I know that I am hearing my internal guidance when I am in the throes of fear, and suddenly a lighter perspective explodes the darker one and gives me a wonderful laugh or burst of joy.

The momentum of higher perspectives is always from love and a deeper understanding of the nature of reality. The higher perspectives are obviously more planted in the knowledge of the play of consciousness, of the illusion, the maya, the vibrational nature of our world. The vibrational nature of our world makes it completely malleable, vibrating energy is not stuck, it is not solid. Solid is an illusion that we enjoy, it helps us experience our world more fully. It helps us play and learn and feel the confinement that then gives us the wonderful experience of freedom! And that is why the only truth is that everything is simultaneously true and not true. And that is why information is only as useful as it’s ability to support our chosen experiences, our goals, our dreams, our heart journeys.

That is why I try to be aware of the information and perspectives that I open myself up to and to find a way to either politely walk away, or set a boundary if necessary. If I find myself dealing with something that is creating fear I will work to reframe it, to find a silver lining or perspective that releases the fear. At times I have even been able to flip information completely, into information that actually shows me the true nature of the world as I see it… Love. When I am able to do that, it is the most wonderful experience of all. It is my understanding and experience that Divine Grace is pure consciousness, everything is made of consciousness and Divine Grace is Love, so everything is Love. That understanding gives me the ability to find my way through very difficult experiences and find my way back to my heart.

Again, that is why meditation and various present moment practices can be so useful. Being able to pause, observe our thoughts and emotions in the moment helps us figure out which information feels like it is supporting us, supporting our hearts. It actually helps us to get to know our own hearts, to find out what inspires us and gives us actual joy. Boundaries are incredibly useful in this world where we all are so excited to share our experiences and perspectives with each other. That is a beautiful and wonderful desire, however, our experiences and perspectives will not serve everyone the way that they serve us. Understanding that brings so much freedom to us, to our relationships and to our world. When we understand this, communication can be so much simpler, in both directions. Judging ourselves and others, and also taking things personally becomes more and more silly when we genuinely understand this, and that right there is such a wonderful freedom! Finding silliness can be the most wonderful cure for so many issues in life, ha ha ha.

Ok, I guess that is my piece for today so… peace out everyone! Love and silliness to all y’all.

The Essence of Yoga and Divine Grace

My third trip to India was in my mid twenties, I had my twenty fifth birthday not long after arriving. My dad and I took the trip together and were pretty much best buds. I was teaching hatha yoga at that time, I was in great shape and pretty much loving life in general. One day my teacher spoke about gratitude as a spiritual practice. She said that if you even just said thank you, just for everything, once a day that it would transform your life. Her words really touched me and I decided to try it. Saying thank you to her was as natural as breathing for me, because she had given me, and my family too, so much. So that same day when I walked up to see her, I bowed as is the custom, and as I placed my forehead at her feet I quietly said thank you.

I did this every day for two weeks, and every day I would go to a particular chant with my dad afterwards. It was a very joyful fun chant, one of my favorites. On the fourteenth day, I was in that chant singing loud and proud ;-) when suddenly everything burst into golden light! I'm not kidding, it was like a joyful explosion! I grabbed my dad's arm and told him, "Dad! Everything is golden! Everyone is golden! It's incredible! Are you seeing this?" He laughed and said no, he wasn't, but he was clearly loving my reaction. I was laughing and so happy, so free and so full of love and joy! The golden light faded but I spent about two weeks feeling like I was walking on clouds! It was so beautiful!

Not long after that I remember going to see my teacher to ask her about something. Growing up I had always felt free to ask her anything. I feel so incredibly blessed to have had her in my life in this way. I've always been a very independent thinker and doer too. I don't tend to join group decisions or be swayed by peer pressure. But growing up with my teacher, I had experienced the depth of her vision and understanding many times. I knew to the core of my being that every single thing she told me was absolutely the most valuable and useful thing for me to hear and follow, in that moment. I knew from experience that if she gave me an instruction and I followed it, it would take me where I wanted to go. Even if I didn't know where I wanted to go, she always did, and she would light the way for me. I did not have this feeling or trust in anyone else, ha ha ha. My dad would get a good chuckle from that, if he were still in a body. Perhaps he is anyway. :-)

So, anyway, I went to ask her advice about... something, and she looked me square in the eyes and said, "Now it is time for you to go to your inner guru for your answers." Then she pointed at a hat that was in a pile next to the girl seated next to her and the girl handed me the hat. It was a rather comically large, beautifully crafted and quite fashionable, straw hat with a long pink crepe scarf wrapped around it and flowing down the back. It looked just like something from Alice in Wonderland, which turned out to be a bit prophetic, in my opinion. At that time I was surprised and a bit disappointed that she did not want to offer me advice, but I absolutely loved my new cool hat! I didn't understand until much later, quite recently in fact, how unusual and important that moment and her words were. 

I moved to New York City not long after that, and started working as an assistant fashion stylist. The funny thing about that is that I had said many times that I never wanted to live in New York City. I had spent a month there when I was eighteen and visited many times, it wasn't that I didn't enjoy the city. I just felt it was absolutely not for me. Then as my third stay in India was coming to a close, I simply knew that New York was my next home. I could not have given a reason, and I don't think anyone ever asked for one. I loved living there too, I was there for six years. 

About two or three years later I contemplated offering private hatha yoga lessons to make some extra cash. I wrote to my teacher, asking about this felt appropriate because I had become a hatha yoga teacher by her grace and at her behest, in fact. I received a letter back that seemed really strange at the time. It said that I had permission to teach yoga now and at any time in the future, not hatha yoga mind you just yoga. I am paraphrasing because I haven't read that letter in a couple of years, but that was the gist. I had very specifically asked about teaching hatha yoga, which is a series of postures that prepare a body for meditation and other spiritual practice. Yoga, however, is a much broader term on one hand and a much more finite term on the other. If you click on the quote below, it will take you to the page where I found it.

“The essence of yoga is to reach oneness with God.” - Pattabhi Jois

Many past moments fall together like puzzle pieces when I look back now. I have been walking towards this work for most of my life, perhaps all of it. Going to my inner gurus for answers, that is what I do now on a regular basis. Although now my inner gurus, or guides as I now call them, are pretty good at making themselves heard whether I'm trying to hear them or not. It sounds totally nuts, and it sometimes feels that way too. But I have had too many confirmations, I have heard too many weird crazy things come out of my own mouth that were totally new to me. Things that I did NOT want to say sometimes. Things I would try not to say, come out of my mouth and I am thinking, "Oh my GOD, zip your lip, girl!" From time to time I have resisted saying whatever it is that I am hearing. I've tried not to say it but it's as though the information is trying to push it's way out of me and finally I just have to let it out. Every time that has happened, it has been the perfect thing to say, and it's always ended with my client thanking me for the work. 

I've heard other people speak of this experience, of feeling information or words pushed out of them, and it felt so relieving to know I'm not the only one, ha ha ha. That good old corroborative evidence! I've questioned my sanity at various times in my life for a variety of reasons, I suppose it's par for the course, and perhaps questioning my sanity is one of the ways that I hold onto it. That being said, I absolutely love what I do, I absolutely love it when I am able to help people find their own powerful internal connection to Divine Grace, in whatever way that works for them. I am often surprised at the amazing creative ways that connection shows up for people. That connection inspires my clients and helps them to let go of old patterns and to allow new possibilities they would not have thought existed. It's magical it really is, and it is ridiculously fun too. What could be better than that?