The joy of being wrong.

Earlier today I was having a wonderful conversation with a dear friend of twenty some odd years, who I’ve also worked with a lot over the last eight years, and a bit of our conversation inspired me to write. 

One of the many things that this friend let go of years ago was a deep-seated feeling that ‘being wrong’ was... well a threat to their life, it really was that intense for them. The freedom of letting that go was incredible. As we spoke of this they told me that they thought the flip side of it was they wanted to make other people wrong. Having known this person for many years and working with them in this way I was able to say, nope, that is not even a little bit true! I told them that I knew with 100% certainty that they truly did not like to hurt others, that they, in fact, loved to uplift and bring joy to others, and that told a very different story than the one they were telling themselves. They could not deny that they do love to uplift and bring joy and they were able to let go of that piece of old baloney, thankfully!

They are not the only person I’ve worked with who have had that fear of 'being wrong', that fear drives the feeling of needing to prove... well probably anything, really, right? I think we learn this in many areas of our life, that being ‘right’ is a goal that yields great rewards. That can be learned at school, from watching others, from positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement, it's so subtle. I think the only way to open it up and shift it in the world around us is to openly practice embracing being 'wrong' as much as being 'right', in the many ways it can show up as a gift to us. The times when being wrong was a happy surprise, or resolved an issue even!

I recently thought I had an issue with Comcast and spent hours on the phone with various agents who could not figure out why I was being overcharged. I finally had a friend offer to get on the phone with me so I could get to the bottom of this issue, what a blessing that was! Having her on there helped me feel steadier and more relaxed and I think it helped the guy drop the script and really listen. It also helped that he really knew his job and I was so grateful for that! It turned out it was my own mistake! He was the first person to see that I'd missed one of my bills and so there was no overcharge after all! I was so relieved and grateful and thanked him profusely and praised him for finding the issue for me! It turned the whole experience into a positive feeling and then he actually helped me get a better deal on my internet too, so it was a win in my book!

I can think of many many times in my life when I was intensely grateful to be totally fucking wrong, lol. I recently have thought to myself, wouldn’t it be wonderful if I am wrong about all of the things I believe that are not serving me and right about all of the things that are? I only want to be right about the things that will give me joy, that support my heart, that prove to me that love is the foundation of everything. Those things are the only things worth being right about, everything else... well those things can set the stage for me to feel wonderfully surprised, to be able to laugh at my silly inner critic when they’re proven to be inaccurate and to remind me yet again of the joy of being wrong! 😂💝

A short and winding road...

...from self-appreciation and forgiveness to freedom and a generous heart! lol

I just saw a post of someone offering beautiful amazing heart inspired action in the world and then I read a comment, "Why can't we all be like this girl?!" My first internal response was, "We can! There is nothing stopping us!" 

As I was contemplating the question that was posed though, just now... "Why can't we all be like that girl." A response came up from my heart, "For the very reason that you ask the question." When you appreciate and celebrate the wonderful beauty of inspired actions from the heart you honor them and that can inspire more of those actions in the world. Bringing the vibration of not enough, well... not as inspiring, lol.

But the thing is, thank goodness we aren't, that is for the best! If we were all like 'that girl' *insert the last beautiful inspired action you saw here*, if everything we did was beautiful inspired action from the heart, that would make those moments less amazing, less magical, and our world would become a dull place. In fact, we could not even have those moments if that were the case, and obviously, we all learn and grow from both our joyful and our painful experiences, as well as from times we were awesome, and times when we have been not so awesome... so maybe we are all in fact exactly 'like this girl', at just the right times for us and the people around us. 

And that way, we all get to have our own moments to shine! So I say, wouldn't it be amazing if we could all appreciate the times when we have been awesome and forgive ourselves for the times we haven't? And furthermore, let's forgive ourselves even if we don't feel like we have learned anything, why not forgive ourselves anyway, as a kindness. Maybe that is enough of a lesson, and it may even be what we were meant to learn all along. Forgiveness can be given as a gift, it does not necessarily have to be earned. And whoever we give it to, ourselves or others, we will feel freer and become more generous as a human. Because forgiveness is always a gift of freedom for the one who gives it and freedom gives the gift of a generous heart.

No is the new yes.

I truly believe that working on feeling love for everyone and everything is possible and it is the road to freedom. However, loving and resonating with is certainly not the same thing. If loving everything meant liking and choosing everything, if there were no contrast to give us all different tastes and flavors, life would become incredibly boring don’t you think? Loving is about seeing the light of consciousness in all beings, and in the world around us. Liking is figuring out what resonates with us, what floats our boats, finding the things that feel like love light and solution for each of us. Whatever feels accurate and inspired in our own heart, that is resonation, and that may shift at any given moment... and that is a-ok. 

I love this crazy meme because it takes that understanding and can help to release us from taking another person’s opinion of us personally. It can also help us accept and honor our own feelings and preferences, and free us from self-judgment. Loving and respecting others does not necessarily mean inviting them, or their thoughts and opinions, into our lives. It means appreciating everyone as reflections of contrasted consciousness, and deciding for ourselves how close or far we’d like to be from them. That’s why healthy boundaries can really help us feel more loving towards others. It's been my experience that trying to force myself to resonate with something that I do not resonate with does not yield a positive feeling result for me, quite the contrary in fact.

Standing up and saying no can be the most powerful loving act a person can choose. As the slightly altered Maggie Kuhn quote says, "Speak the truth even if your voice shakes." But always check in with your heart first, because that really is the only place our own truths can be found. And I have found that when I am speaking from that place, my voice does indeed often shake, and sometimes tears come too. It's as though something inside of me, something wonderful and Divine, is pushing the words out of me. And that has always yielded an amazing result in my life. I have deep gratitude for those moments in my life.

The beautiful thing is, when we give ourselves the space that feels loving to ourselves, we are more able to observe all people and things with the eyes of the heart. I am working on loving it all, knowing that it's all consciousness, and I am also working on surrounding myself with whatever floats my boat. That is how I truly can grow to feel love for everyone and everything more and more every day. And that is most definitely the road to freedom, IMHO. 

There is a bonfire in your heart...

I recently found the following words written in the middle of an old empty journal. I wrote it on August 24, 1997. I don't remember writing it, it really took me by surprise. I cry every time I read it. I can only guess that I had a rather powerful meditation and then grabbed the nearest journal and wrote this down to be found later... as in now, ha ha ha. 

When I first read this it was unbelievably perfect timing... that has always been my experience of Gurumayi in my life. I met her when I was ten, I think. She was Malti then, not a Swami yet, but she gave me shaktipat all the same the moment that I met her... and has lived in my heart ever since, and quite possibly even before that day.

I want to share this for myself, and maybe also for those of you who feel to read it. I think there are words in it that are true for all of you, not just for me. So I offer this from my heart to all of you. We are all love, no matter what we may think about ourselves... we are all love, every one of us, at our core, through and through. 

Here is what I wrote:

August 24, 1997

Thank you Gurumayi

These are messages I received today from Gurumayi, my guru.

You are always pure gold, I have always seen you this way.

Giving and receiving happen without effort if you just relax.

You have always been worthy of all you have received.

I am always with you and you are always with me.

You are Love, everyone else has always seen this, allow yourself to see it now.

There is a bonfire in your heart, if you go there you will be reminded.

Have patience with yourself, you will find your way there.

I love you!

Love Is Always The Answer

I edit my posts, comments, etc., quite often and sometimes I even delete them entirely. I do this because I try to make sure that the things that I am putting out to the world are coming from love, from my heart, from an inspired place. I grew up with a spiritual teacher that taught me that intention is everything and that love is the highest intention, as well as the most effective way through… everything. So, when I come across something that feels like a 'problem’ I try to stay in my heart and to look for solutions. When I see things that I just really don't like, I try to simply hide them without judgement. Love accepts everything, light and dark, equally, that is the nature of love, obviously. For me personally, staying in my heart and in an inspired place means keeping my focus on the things that shine, keeping the company of people who hold love and inspiration as their intention, and not indulging my ego’s whims.

That being said, I believe that everyone's path is perfect for them, I genuinely do, I’m not just saying that. We are all beautiful works of art in a state of perpetual transformation and transformation requires cycles of both creation and destruction. Because of that, none of us can know what is best for another. It is on each one of us to feel our way through this crazy life and to either listen to our hearts, or not, if that is where we are at. I was taught at an early age that everything happens for the best, and that’s how I choose to see the world, through the eyes of faith. That choice has always worked well for me, perhaps if it hadn’t I might not feel as I do, hard to say. My choices are only what I feel are best for me though, not anyone else, unless they feel it for themselves.

I believe in all of this because it's what I learned from my spiritual teacher from an early age, but also because it is what I have observed in my life and the lives of many other people that I know as well. Holding this understanding, for me, requires being comfortable with contrast, and owning how invaluable it is, and always has been, to my own process of transformation. All of the challenges in my life help me to become more and more resilient and I value resilience pretty highly. Also, all of my experiences have made me who I am today, and I actually do love my perfectly imperfect self. I am not always successful at keeping myself aligned with my heart, and that is actually a good thing too because it keeps me humble… well hopefully! Ha ha ha.

The Thing About Love & Respect...

When you work on loving and respecting yourself, you concern yourself less and less with what other people think or do. You begin to realize that the thoughts and actions of others are only letting you know when you are listening from your heart. Your heart will only ever inspire you to love yourself and others more, it will only speak to you with a positive voice. The heart speaks from love, from lightness of being, from kind and playful humor. When I listen to the joyful noise I am hearing my heart's voice, this I know for myself for dang sure. Huzzah! ;-)

And, of course, when you work on loving and respecting yourself, you genuinely hope for everyone to do the same. When you work on loving and respecting yourself your ability to feel compassion for others grows and as that compassion grows it is like a big bubble that melts animosity for others, even those that you do not understand at all. Agenda no longer feels good, only inspiration does. Appreciation starts to feel more and more delicious to your soul, and of course, you will begin to notice more and more people in your life treating you with love and respect. That's how it works, just like happiness, it's an inside job.

Go look in a mirror and think of someone that you love very very much, someone that inspires and gives you a feeling of joy. When you have connected with those wonderful feelings, then look into your own beautiful eyes and say I love you to your own sweet self. There are many ways to work on loving and respecting yourself more, this is just one simple easy way to start shifting the inner momentum. It takes bravery for some. Try it, especially if it sounds ridiculous and feels embarrassing, in fact... just try it and see if you notice any shift at all.